On A Windy And Rainy Day

several thoughts are running through my mind as i write. i don’t want to write about anything in particular. i’m just feeling low today. i finished reading some of my backlogged e-mails and that’s only like 2% of what i still have to read and then some, i have to answer. i feel so utterly useless today. i haven’t had a good night’s sleep for the past couple of days but no one seemed to notice because they would see me asleep “like a baby” or so they say. but what they don’t know is that when i wake up, i feel so alone and lonely.

the winds and the rain became my companion today. while i’m listening to the howling wind and the rain that comes and goes, i look at my life that way.

after the storm, where will i be? hopefully, somewhere where my mind, body and spirit will finally be serene and tranquil.

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A Mom’s Job Description

POSITION:

Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy

JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES: The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one mi nute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

To my Mama: We may not be that close but I want you to know that you’ll always be appreciated by me. Thank you for everything that you did for us. I love you!

A New Perk To My Site

If you noticed, a song is already playing in the background of my site. This is the theme from one of my all-time favorite US sitcoms way back in the 80’s. Perfect Strangers starred Bronson Pinchot as Balki Bartokomous and Mark Linn-Baker as Larry Appleton. This was a story about the travails of a new immigrant in the US (Balki) and his cousin Larry who lived in Chicago. When I used to watch this show, I remember that I would always laugh because of Balki’s really thick and funny accent and his antics as well. But of course, one of the things that attracted me to this sitcom was the theme. When I was in Canada, there were a few re-runs of the sitcom that I was able to catch on TV and it was really a great feeling to watch the series again. If you wanna know more about Perfect Strangers the series, I found a very informative site about the sitcom. Click on the pictures below to browse through the sites.





I remember the lyrics of the song by heart. You may want to sing along while listening to it in the background 🙂



Sometimes the world is perfect

Nothin’ to rearrange..

Sometimes you just

Get a feeling like you need some kind of change.

No matter what the odds are this time,

Nothing’s gonna stand in my way.

This flame in my heart,

Like a long lost friend,

Gives every dark street a light at the end.

Standing tall

On the wings of my dreams

Rise and fall

On the wings of my dreams

Rain and thunder

Wind and haze

I was bound for better days

It’s my life and my dream.

And nothing’s gonna stop me now.

Perfect Strangers will always be part of my growing up days. Just like most of you reading through my site, we may be perfect strangers to each other but we get to know each other each and every day that we get to interact through my website. That gesture will always be remembered by me throughout my lifetime 🙂

this hit me…i know it will hit you too…

HINDI KO NA SYA MAHAL (HINDI KO SYA MAHAL)

Naranasan mo na bang masabihan nyan???

Kung OO ang sagot mo, pwes! alam mo ba na out of 10 people na nagsabi nyan 5 ang nagsasabi ng totoo?? yes! meaning 5 ang sinungaling!

Kc, minsan maraming dahilan kung bakit nasasabi yan…

iSiPin MO ito..

Nasasabi ang linyang yan sa mga sitwasyon gaya ng..

NAGUGULUHAN = ito ung mga taong nasa isang relasyon pgktapos eh may iba pang mahal na iba.. kailangan nilang mapaniwala ang sarili na hindi na hindi na nila mahal ung isa para, mahalin naman ung isa pa. (HALIMBAWA: im sori may iba na kong mahal, HINDI NA KITA MAHAL) pero echos! ang totoo di ka naman syur kung sino pa talga sa kanila ang matimbang… gets mo? (kung hindi kawawa ka naman..=)

MASAMA ANG LOOB = eto naman ung mga taong katatapos lng hiwalayan o nagawan ng di maganda sa isang relasyon. (HALIMBAWA: bakit nya nagawa sakin toh! HINDI KO NA SYA MAHAL!) pero ay naku dala lng yan ng sama ng loob mo..sige hinga ng malalim..tulog ng mahimbing..paggising mo bukas naku…sya na naman ang naalala mo..(miz mo noh? =)

BASTED = as in ayaw nya daw sayo.. PARE OKEI KA LNG? (SAGOT: okei lng ako pre, wala na un hindi ko na rin sya mahal) uyyy pa-macho epek.. SISTER OKEI KA LNG? (SAGOT: yuh im okei, as in hindi ko na sya mahal noh?!) ows? go gurl!

LIHIM NA PAG-IBIG= eto naman ung mga taong ayaw ipaalam sa kanilang minamahal ang totoo, para lang mapagtakpan ang nararamdaman nila, lalo na’t binubuking na sila.. (HALIMBAWA: Hindi ko sya mahal ah, friend lng ang turing ko sa kanya.) ay naku! yan din sinabi ni jolina kay marvin!

PA-I WILL SURVIVE epek = eto ang mga taong gusto ng kumawala sa hawla ng alala ng taong

minamahal..(HALIMBAWA: pagod na ko..from now on, kakalimutan ko na sya, hindi ko na sya mahal! smart na ko ngayon, i will survive!) …hehe sino ka? si kris aquino??

TAAS NG PRIDE = eto ung mga taong di nila maamin sa sarili nila na mahal nila ang isang person kc nga malayo sa standard nila ung gurl/guy or lets say may ibang dahilan..pero nainlab sila. (HALIMBAWA: yun? hindi ko sya mahal noh. ako pa kilala nyo ko) sabay Naka cross ang mga fingers ng kanilang hands and feet!

TAKOT = eto ung mga taong dahil ilang beses na nasaktan sa larangan ng pag ibig, eh ayaw ng magmahal kahit na mahal naman talga nila ang isang taong nagmamahal sa kanila..(HALIMBAWA: ayaw ko ng masaktan ulit…hindi kita mahal.) ..o tapos? hehe

PAGHIHIGANTI = eto naman ung mga taong binabalikan matapos ng hiwalayan…syempre sobra

nga naman sila nasaktan kaya sasabihan nya ng MASYADO AKONG NASAKTAN SA MGA NANGYARI, HINDI NA KITA MAHAL…o loko bagay sayo!

maraming dahilan, maraming paraan para sabihin natin ito ..pero sana, sa susunod na sabihin mo sa kanyang hindi mo na sya mahal .. eh ung totoo na.Yung kaya mo na, yung sigurado ka, at un talga ang nararamdaman mo..mahirap na..

Paano kung mawala pa sya?…

Paano kung mahal ka pa talaga nya?..

Paano na kung mahal ka nya…

Paano Kung mahal ka rin nya

at mahal mo pa rin sya.

At sa ibang taong makakaranas naman neto..pag sinabihan ka ng HINDI NA KITA MAHAL! / HINDI KITA MAHAL!

chin up! and say…

STYLE MO BULOK! LIARS GO TO HELL!!

tinamaan ka db? alam ko.

I’m sure that at one point we all got into this dilemma. I actually did say “HINDI NA KITA MAHAL” before but I kept on coming back. It was my mind saying the thing and my heart was doing otherwise. But remember how difficult the choice may be, something will happen to make you decide and eventually in the end, when you say “HINDI NA KITA MAHAL” or “HINDI KITA MAHAL” you’ll know that it was still your mind that told you to utter those words but the sincerity and truthfulness of those words came from your own heart. You learn the lessons and then life goes on.

Alcoholic In The Making

tomadorI love to take pictures of my son. It gives me the thrill of seeing how he develops one day at a time. When he’s not with me, he would be with my in-laws and his uncle. My husband only has one brother and I find it amazing to see how my son responds at the sight of his uncle. I’m not really close to him but he really goes along very well with my son. They play rough but when I see how my son laughs and giggles when he plays with him, I get so elated. They just have this rapport with each other that I can’t explain.

As I’m browsing through the pictures in my computer, this particular picture caught my attention once again. These were pictures of Basti taken by my brother-in-law last month. He had my son carry a bottle of brandy and pose like a lasenggero sa kanto. The pictures were really funny! Imagine a 6-month old baby posing with a bottle of brandy in his arms. Cool and neat huh! 😀

But come to think of it, no parent would want their kid to grow up an alcoholic. My mind travelled 15 years from now and wondered, will my son be an alcoholic if we expose him to this kind of things as early as now?

I remember that there’s one picture I have when I was younger. I was clad in a 2-piece blue bathing suit and was drinking from a bottle of San Miguel pale pilsen. I was about 4 or 5 years old then. I don’t remember if the bottle had beer on it but everytime I see that picture, it reminded me that I was exposed very early to alcohol. I started drinking beer at 13 and as I grew older, my tolerance for alcohol increased in proportion to my alcohol intake. During drinking sprees, I’ll come out alive and unscathed from puking in public or making scandalous events that can break me. My friends would wonder how I was able to drive myself home without anything happening to me. I guess God is always mad at me when I drive myself home intoxicated but still He never fails to send my guardian angel to protect me from dying a horrible and unsightly death. I know I sound very arrogant but it really happened and not just once but several times.

I never considered myself as an alcoholic. It’s just that I can drink more than what my friends can drink. But I’ve already mellowed down and I’m already satisfied with just 3-4 bottles…okay, 6 bottles at the most 😀 As I aged, my taste for alcohol changed – for the better or for the worse, I guess it’s both ways. Drinking alcohol will always be part of a normal person’s life. It’s one of society’s ways to show how well you blend in with different people. Sooner or later his peers would experiment. I want him to go out and make friends, go to bars and drink what he can drink. But of course he would receive a lot of reminders and facts about drinking. I want to be his first teacher when it comes to these things because I know that he will learn a lot from my experiences. Being the intelligent person that my son is, I’m pretty sure he’ll come up with the right choice – and that is, the choice not to take a single alcoholic drink in his hand, drink it and then regret.

Another Rant From The Cold Room

I would normally be the one to open and update my Friendster account and that of my husband’s. I’m more diligent in things like this than him. Just tonight, I updated his Friendster account and was able to read a new testimonial that he approved. I didn’t like what I read. The testimonial offended me big time! I know that my husband and this girl is quite chummy in their caregiver classes but I just felt that her testimonial wasn’t really something that she should say because no one’s actually asking for her opinion about how my husband and I are running our relationship.

I must admit that the past weeks have been very tough for us. I’ve literally thrown him out of our house twice or even thrice this month alone. The reasons vary – from my being moody to his being irritable over senseless things. But like any other fight that we’ve had before, I would just normally say a one-liner and then keep quiet for the rest of the fight’s duration (only God knows how long that will last). I wouldn’t even text or speak to him for days. That’s how I am – non-confrontational but very unpredictable. I hate fights inside the home because it’s bad chi for the family. But of course, it always happens without our housemates knowing it. My father would just ask me where my husband is and I would just tell him an alibi or two. I never divulge anything to the family members in the house because I want them to stay out of what’s happening between us. Besides, I’m pretty sure that I’ll be hearing bad remarks from my father if he learns that we’re fighting. I’d rather that he doesn’t know anything about our problems because I don’t want to add to his worries.

I’m well-aware of the fact that he says his piece to his friends in school. It’s his right and like anyone else, it’s his way of getting it off his chest. I totally understand that because we all need to let it out. And this is one situation that totally pissed me off. I’d like to quote: “well, c ahyee, magkaklase kami ngaun, when i first saw him sabi ko delicious 2 ah! un pala taken na! joke lang bka mag nasa ka sa akin huh! di, kidding aside, galante yan! down 2 earth ( as in nagpipilit na umapak sa lupa d namn pwede kse lahat ng damit nyan signature! grabe description mo ha! kinabagan ako! magaya nga hmmm….joke! we’ll i just want u 2 know i enjoy ur company, you’re like a brother to me na! pero payong kapatid, wag mo ng asarin ang taong pikon para di ka napapalayas! hehehehehehe! peace men!”

Like any other person, there are situations and things that can make me pikon. But I’m not totally one all the way. I’m a very moody person and there are times that I just feel bad about my day and it’s not a day for me to just laugh off a particular comment or situation. I have so many things running in my mind the past couple of months and it’s not easy to smile knowing that I have several problems to iron out in all aspects of my life. I know I’m guilty of being pikon at times but who doesn’t get pikon right? This particular testimonial is just not fair. She doesn’t even know me to brand me as a total pikon. Feelings of distraught are over me right now. I feel like I wanna slap this person in the face. But that’s just at the back of my mind and I don’t have any intention of doing it real time. I’m just not the confrontational type of person.

Some may comment that maybe it was not intended for me. I don’t think so. There’s only one person throwing him out of the house and that’s me. Even if you ask my best friends, they know that there have been several incidents of that nature. It’s not that I’m proud of it. It hurts me every time that happens. But every time he threatens me that he’s leaving, I just tell him to leave and then never come back. I would even tell him (in my softest voice possible) to pack his things and then leave. I just don’t want any more arguments and fights. Just get lost and we’re done. But just leave my kid alone with me.

I don’t have any intention of writing to the particular person who wrote the testimonial. The least I could do is to just tell my husband about it. Knowing how my husband protects his friends (even if they are not doing him any good), especially that he’s really chummy-chummy with this girl, I have a feeling this will again be another issue between us and most probably, I will send him to the door again.

About Relationships…Again

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?

Saying something and wishing you hadn’t? or Saying nothing and wishing you had?

I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.

Don’t be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might break your heart…if you don’t, you might break theirs.

Have u ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?

Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn’t.

You can’t tell your heart what to do.

It does it on its own…. when you least suspect it, or even when you don’t want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?

Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much…for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?

We tell lies when we are afraid…

afraid of what we don’t know,

afraid of what others will think,

afraid of what will be found out about us.

But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.

Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.

Don’t be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.

*What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say good-bye?

*What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?

*What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt? (even if it is that you don’t care anymore)

*What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn’t have them?

*What would you do if you never got the chance to say I am friends with all of my family and they know I love them?

People live, but people die.

And I want to tell you that you are a friend.

If you died tomorrow (God Forbid), you would be in my heart.

Would I be in yours?

I appreciate this e-mail Suzanne.