After several overseas calls to Mama and a heart-to-heart talk with Papa, I decided to postpone my trip ’til January 2005.
I have to admit that I was disappointed. First of all, I had a hard time scheduling my flight and now I have to pay a fee to have my flight rebooked on a later date. I discussed it with my travel agent and it’s a good thing Papa will shoulder whatever expense this decision incurred. Secondly, I was excited to set foot in a country whose people speak in a totally different accent from that of Americans and Canadians. I wanted to challenge myself to learn their way of speaking. Lastly, I had to postpone an opportunity that comes only once in a lifetime – to work in a foreign land for the sake of my family.
Despite the disappointment, I would have to say that I’m happier with the decision I made. For one, I wouldn’t have to be away from my family for Christmas. I once spent Christmas alone in a foreign land and I wouldn’t want that to happen again. But of course, if the trip pushed through, I was already prepared to face that scenario again. I imagined myself crying and wishing that I was home having Christmas Eve dinner with my family and friends.
Papa “indirectly” requested for the postponement of my trip. He felt uncomfortable that I’ll be leaving him with just my brothers here at home. Since Mama lives at the other side of the world, Papa relies on me so much when it comes to running the household – from paying the bills down to calling up the water delivery service for our overhead tank – I make sure that everything’s right around here. I’ve been his PA (personal assistant) for the longest time now and I guess, that’s mainly the reason why he entrusts the household to me. It’s a tough job but someone’s gotta do it.
Leaving my son and my husband behind was the heaviest consideration I had in mind about this trip. For one, Basti’s growing up so fast and I was really hesitant to leave because he might not recognize me anymore when I go back. Since I’ll be away for a minimum of 6 months to a maximum of one year, it isn’t going to be easy for me to be away for that long. And then, hubby already told me (even before the plans for my trip were finalized) that in case I’ll leave the country without them for a long time, he wasn’t going to be bring me to the airport at all costs. I asked why but he didn’t want to answer. It took me several tries before he gave in. Then he said: “Ayokong makitang umalis ka.” This, he said sincerely and without a trace of joke or sarcasm. The statement made me teary-eyed. For the first time in a long while, I heard something from my husband that made me smile that I considered changing my mind about leaving him behind.
This trip was supposed to give me another chance at living my own life but with the consequence of being away from the people I love. It was a tough decision to make. But right now, I know I made the right decision. For now, my trip would take a backseat until January. By then, it would be a different story.