Grouchy Mode On

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Made coffee again, for a change, after a couple of weeks of not having it. It made me so grouchy that I threw the coffee away. Back to having fruit juice and very cold water to ease the nausea. And to that person who keeps on calling my land phone, have the balls to speak up! It’s either you’re so damn scared to talk to me or you miss me or maybe you just want to get answers that you will never ever get! Believe me! I know your game but you don’t know how my very playful mind works, especially now that I’m all hyped up. At the end of the day, good vibes win! I have all my allies beside me – they are the ones who will never leave me – my family and friends!

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What For?

For the first time since you made that idiotic move, you actually had the guts and nerve to call me.

I did not pick up the phone. Yes, I DID NOT pick up the phone and I DID NOT feel guilty about it.

I’m proud of what I did.

Again, what for?

It Felt Good

For some, it may seem to have been a nasty move.  But for me and for most of those who know where that move came from, I knew that the effort was all worth it.

It has been a long, long while since I felt this way. I don’t really care anymore about what other people would say. But maybe, just maybe, if you’re gonna put yourself in my shoes, you’ll understand where I’m coming from. This is liberating for me. That is a great feeling!

I know that everything’s falling into place. I’m starting to smile again. This is a good start. And this definitely made me feel good.

The Jacket

Funny how somebody proudly took that kissing photo of yours wearing the jacket that you called your own from my closet. Now I’m wondering…after everything that you did, you really still have the nerve to flaunt and wear those things that you got from me with that person? Are you really telling me that you are such a thick-faced scumbag?

Now this is actually making me think twice if you and that person have been conniving with each other to get what you want from me. I pity both of you for being too naive about me. I may have been blinded but I am not numb and dumb not to know.

Bitter much? Yes I am! Because you do not deserve to be clothed. I would have just given whatever I’ve given you to people who are more deserving and more needy than you are. The fact remains that even if you clothe yourself in fancy stuff, you make me wanna puke with your rotten and stinking persona.

Prayer for Surrender In Love

I know that things will not be easy as I struggle to start my life anew after the turn out of a bad choice I made in my life. I will be in a quandary of mixed emotions until such time that I have finally accepted my mistakes, forgiven myself and the ones that hurt me for me to finally move on.

I cannot do this alone and I have given up this burden to the Lord.

“Lord, I come to you now hopeless and disillusioned. I have expressed my love for someone who probably never felt the same way for me. I am hurting and fearful of the life that lies ahead without him. Lord, please open my heart to understand that happiness is my choice, That I can be happy without that person. Teach me to seek You first for I know that if I put my trust in You first, everything else shall be added unto me including the things that my heart yearns for. That true happiness can only come in knowing and accepting You in my life. Thank You Lord for teaching me how to love and thank You for teaching me that true love never seeks its own happiness but that of others. Lord, I know that You have a reason for putting people in the past for You know that that is where they truly belong. I know that You have the best intention and plan for me. I surrender to You Lord all my struggles, all my pain, all my tears because of this person whom I love dearly. Let Your will be done in this relationship. I know that You have something beautiful in store for those who wait and believe in You. Thank You Lord for that promise. I hold on to that with faith and hope that the love You planted in my heart will bear fruit and blossom in the heart of the person who hasn’t come yet but I know who You have prepared to meet me and make my life complete in You.We humbly pray for this in Jesus mighty name. Amen.”

Party Girl…(or not)…

Last night, I braved the roads of Commonwealth and didn’t care less to spend almost a thousand for cab fare just to make it to a party that I think I badly needed. Aside from the fact that I haven’t gone out for the longest time, I wanted a breather from my personal space. I went out of my cave and socialized. It was all worth it.

Jose Cuervo and Jack Daniels were 2 of my closest friends last night. It didn’t surprise me at all not to find me drunk after a long night of drinking. My issues have drowned me more than they could actually do. No amount of alcohol could bring me down at this point.

At 3am, I found myself in the company of my close family friends who are 10 or so years younger than me. They listened as I spoke about my issues and I felt better afterwards. I have seen them through their worst times and now the tables have turned which is not bad for someone who has seen them grow up in more ways than one.

As the dawn of the new day came, we parted ways and they gave me hope that things will be better soon.

And the party girl got her fair share of fun for the night…and priceless bonding moments with true friends too.