The Mistake

And only because I made an honest mistake that I was very sorry for…

A stupid assumption that made a great day seemed like it was the worst…

I know there will be more of things like this in the future, maybe even worse, but I know it can only get better.

I’ll just let time take its course.  Nothing will change.  That I guarantee.  In my eyes, this is all but part of the thing I willingly and lovingly signed up for.

Everything is still beautiful in my eyes because of you.

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The Brunch

Brunch with the family today was different and special. It was one of the most memorable too.

If there’s such a thing as “a good kind of an upset stomach,” that was what I had the whole time the brunch was going on. It was only after it was over that I felt better. And no amount of medicine could have actually cured it.

Seeing how everyone was today, I knew I really have something good in my hands. Something for keeps.

And now I can say that it’s official…my family has welcomed you.

It was a great day…one of the best days if I may say so.

But I screwed it up…big time…

 

 

 

A Bad Day

Don’t you just hate those days when nothing seemed to have gone right?  Today was one of those days.

Everything just went wrong today.  Cranky and mad are things that would not well describe me.  Sadly, I was in those moods today.

And then I saw you.

I am still thankful for this bad day.

For you were the only right thing that happened today.

The End

“…that I may have to look inside myself and see if I’ve really moved on and have forgotten about the bitter past that I had…”

A summary that pierced my heart for the nth time.

In my moments of solitude, there are times that I remember the bitter past that I had. Not because I’m not yet over it but because I feel that I should have known better. I could’ve done better and made decisions that were more logical rather than being emotional about it. However, I know that I did a good job in getting rid of that baggage. I am proud to have gotten myself out of it.

It may seem like I’ve contradicted myself well enough for people to maybe think that I haven’t really gotten over everything that happened. That was never my intention.  It never was and it will never be.  I can talk and write about everything now, not because I want the attention and the sympathy, but only because I want people to learn from my life’s mistakes. Maybe, just maybe, there will be some people along the way who could take this as a cue that life is just there for them to make it. And though I feel that I haven’t completely forgiven myself, just yet, for the things I have done, deep inside, I know I already have.

Whatever reservations I have about myself will not stop me from enjoying and loving all that’s here with me now.  With all that’s been said and done, expressing myself has gotten me to a place I never knew existed – a better life that is free from all the hurt and pain of my indiscretions. And I guess it’s about time that I leave it at that.

And yes, you are already more than enough to make this new journey all worth while.

70/77

There are moments when I would feel melancholic about everything and would feel that what’s happening in my life is all too good to be true. I feel that not even science will be able to explain to me the overwhelming turn of events. And there are times when I feel that this is all but a beautiful dream that will end after I wake up and I will be back to the reality of an empty and sad life, more so, alone.

Yes, I was deeply hurt. I had to cry every single day and night to help me heal. My heart was torn into pieces and I became a lost soul once again. The strong, independent and feisty woman and mother turned into a selfish, helpless being who was left all alone, battered and shattered into pieces. That felt empty and that felt very cold. Losing yourself can make you feel that way, you know! More than anything else, I have forgotten how beautiful my life is knowing that I have friends, my family and my son who need me in their lives. They love me because I am an important part of their lives. I exchanged my meaningful relationships for a life that I did not really deserve at all.

70 days after our last real conversation and 77 days after the nightmare ended, I’m not sad anymore. My life’s not empty. And I am not alone. I will never be. And I don’t want to be. The days that passed have taught me lessons I will never forget. I can probably even say that these are some of the best days of my life. I still consider myself very lucky to have been given the chance to rectify the mistakes that I made to myself and to the people who value me in their lives. God has given me another chance to put myself back together again and rise from the fall. I am humbled by that.

I can only be grateful for the days that passed. After all that’s been said and done, I’m still here, all blessed and living a good life. I am surrounded by the love of my family and friends and I have a wonderful partner whom I love so dearly (and I can feel that he loves me just as much) and whom I’m proud of.

Indeed, I am living proof that it can only get better after the storm.

The Weekend That Was

The Gift

Despite the bad start, the weekend still turned out to be one of the most memorable weekends of my life.

Thank you for this gift. I was really touched by the gesture. Things like this just make me go all sentimental and cheesy.

Thank you for the gift of time and you. You never fail to make me feel special and important. And I feel so loved and cared for by you. And like I always tell you, the little things already mean a lot to me.

No relationship is perfect. But our imperfections make everything all worth the while with you.

And with that, I need not say or ask for anything more ü