And I Have Learned

… that there are things you cannot change and those are things you have to learn to live with

… that there are times when being alone would bring you more good than harm

… that there are people who find happiness and satisfaction in making others feel unworthy…they feel that they are at their best by doing so

… that patience and understanding are not limitless

… that I can only take so much

… that I am human

… that I can cry buckets, I get angry, I can feel sadness, I can laugh loudly

… that I can love without holding back

… that I live because I am blessed

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On Falling

I can only sigh upon hearing of a guy friend’s thoughts on falling in love.  He has fallen in and out of love a couple of times that he has lost a little bit of hope that he will find someone who will, one day, give him the love that he truly deserves.

During conversations, there are aspects of his thoughts that have left me pondering on my own adventures (or misadventures, if you may call it that) in the realm of falling in love.  Guys are known to be detached from their emotions.  Most of them can’t and will not even admit that they have been hurt so many times too.  It’s their soft side, so to speak – their soft side that they would rather hide than show.  He is actually one of those who is not afraid of showing that soft side.  For me, it makes guys more human and more admirable, too.

When I read the article he shared, I knew I just had to read it.  And I didn’t regret it.  I can only agree on what the writer has expressed.  And this really had me thinking:  “So when you meet someone that makes you stay up late at night just smiling, when you meet that person that makes you question how you ever survived without them, and when you meet that person that has the ability to make you smile just by existing – let yourself fall.”

Falling in love is always a risk.  Loving someone and being loved back in return is never a guarantee that you will not get hurt.  All you just need to do is enjoy every moment.  Learn from every mistake.  Love unconditionally.

I have fallen a couple of times and I admit, I probably haven’t learned some of the lessons that have been given to me (as what a close friend of mine has been telling me).  I have learned a lot after having loved and failed at it.  I am one who doesn’t lose hope that one day, I will be able to find the right person whom I can fall over and over again without being hurt and without feeling unloved.

And I can say that I am with one now despite the trying times we’ve had.

And to you, my friend, never lose hope.  God has a grand plan for your love story.  It’s just a matter of time.

(Read the full article of the excerpt above at http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/letting-yourself-fall-in-the-name-of-life/)

Then It Rained

As much as I wanted to go to work today, road circumstances did not allow me to do so.  Working from home became my option.

Someone attempted to break in to our office last Saturday and that had me going to the office on a Sunday to take care of things.  I had to cancel out on cooking lunch for the family as I tended to office work.  Not a good thing really.

I was up and about using my phones and computer alternately to remotely give instructions to my staff members as I did my work from my kitchen.  In between sips of coffee and the sound of the non-stop pouring rain, I had other thoughts running in mind.

I feel distraught and demoralized over certain things.  Somehow, I know this has been barring me from being my best self in the things that I do.  I have to do something about it as it has been affecting all aspects of my life right now.  I lash out on other things (and sometimes other people) because I am not used to feeling this way – all the time – for weeks now.

I need to change my outlook on the things that are happening.  And I need to do it now.

Just as I know that this kind of rain will bring havoc to a lot of people, these things that are happening are just doing the same to me.  This is not endless though.  Soon, the rains will stop and so do these bad things in my life.

It calmed me to know that once the rains have stopped, these will soon all pass.  The challenges I’m facing right now will have the same fate.  I know it will.

And Then I Was Late

I made it after two hours of enduring very bad traffic under a very heavy downpour.  It was not one of my best times really.

I was late for his family dinner.  They have all eaten when I got there.  That was such an embarrassing moment for me.  And after seeing that look on his face, I knew I was in a little bit of trouble.

It still ended up nicely after having a short chat with his folks.  It felt great knowing that they’re okay.  They even told me to be very careful when I’m out driving especially after that Kay Davantes incident.  I felt the sincerity of their concern and that really felt great.  Warming up to his family is taking quite some time but at least that was a good baby step for us.  And I can only wish it could be better the next time.

Capped the night with a horror flick and then coffee at our favorite place to hang out afterwards.  I have been getting the hang of such every week.  I’ve become too comfortable already and somehow, I know, it may not be a good thing.  Routine is good for some things but not for a relationship.  But then again, that remains to be seen.  So far, we’re okay.  At least we’re one in saying that age may be catching up on us already that we prefer things to be this way now.  And at least, I think and feel, we’re good.  You said so, too, and I’d like to take it as that.

As I am still recovering from being late and from the horror flick we watched, I would only want to think of nice and pretty things for now.

Thank you for making me part of your family.  Don’t worry, next time, I won’t be late.

The Sixth

Words won’t be enough to express how grateful I am for the gift of you.

Trying times will always be there and I can only hope and pray for the better times and things God will give to us.

Thank you for being my friend.  Thank you for being my partner.

Thank you for being you.

I love you.

Going Back

Have you ever found yourself so frustrated over the fact that you have been wanting to get or do something and you just became an epic failure at it?

It was precisely what happened to me yesterday.  I have my mind set on finding that perfect pair of work shoes that I have long been wanting to get myself as a reward for the hard work I’ve been doing.  After visiting all the stores I could think of, I did not find any that made me say: “This is it! This is what I am looking for!”  The shoe hunt was an epic failure.

So instead, I decided to treat myself to some nice dinner by going to an old-time favorite restaurant.

It has been a very long while since I had dinner by myself.  It was a breath of fresh air.  I decided on giving myself another treat by getting that nice,  refillable but intoxicating drink to cap the night.  Mojitos will always be a nice night cap.

Going back to an old routine is always nostalgic.  In between the bites of food and sips of the drink I was having, there were a lot of things that flashed back.  Most of them were memories that filled my night with a smile and some got me teary-eyed.  Nevertheless, those felt nice to look back at knowing that I am in a much better place now after all those things happened.

I also knew you were going back to something that made you happy at one point in time.  I prayed that you will get the answers you’ve long been wanting to have.

Although I felt rejected by you after having confessed that I was drinking by myself, I still thought that it would have been really nice to look back together on all the good and bad things that individually happened to us over the nice dinner and drink that I was having.  These were the things and experiences that brought us together.  Something that I would always love to go back to.

September’s Here

As I recall the events from last night, Christmas songs started to play in the background on the first morning of September (from my neighbor’s stereo set playing on full volume.).  the last stretch of the year has given me so much hope and days to look forward to.

It has been a very tough week in all aspects.

I can only hope and pray for better days ahead.