It has been quite a while since I last wrote something in here. I wouldn’t want to say I was busy. I was more like lazy than busy, in all honesty.
There are so many thoughts running in my head right now. Thoughts that I wanted to share with a friend. Some, I have already written somewhere and have thrown away. And there are those thoughts that I’d rather keep to myself for now.
Tomorrow, he will be on another out of town trip. And yeah, that makes me all sad. But I know come the weekend, we’ll see each other again. I hope the days would pass by as fast as they could.
This will be a big week for me. And as I prayed during church earlier this evening, I asked for encouragement, guidance and strength to face the things I need to face this week. Although this day will end with me feeling certain emotions that I’m having a hard time dealing with, I know all of these will all pass, in time.
Knowing that there were people who smiled and were made happy because of certain things that happened to them, that’s already more than enough for me to be thankful for and be happy about. When the people I love and close to my heart are happy, I am already happy.
I am just grateful that it was a good week. Thank you, Lord, for that.
As the sun set on my way to hear the first Friday mass for the year, I couldn’t help but wonder: “Where was I the same time last year?”
Then, as I drove along the busy roads of the city, I had a little flashback of my first two months last year. You may say that it’s not a good thing to be doing when you’re a bit under the weather and it has been just three days since the start of the new year. Well, it just happened. Maybe for a reason.
Last year, I chose to run away. I chose to turn my back on everything that was there for me to face. I was at my cowardly “best.” And just like some of the closest people in my life told me, I felt like I was at my best when I walked away but that was actually the dumbest thing I have ever done.
Running away may have helped but not fully. In the end, I came out and sought help eventually. I should have done it earlier. I shouldn’t have run away.
During the mass, I prayed intently for certain things. The past couple of weeks have left me with questions that need answers and decisions that need to be handed down. Needless to say, I was once again praying for enlightenment, guidance, wisdom and the courage to handle everything on my plate right now. Praying gives me a better feeling afterwards. Praying is better than walking away.
I can now laugh at what happened and what I did last year. I can now look back at the same time last year with a smile on my face and say that I’ve survived the battles. I have been fully blessed after acceptance of what happened. It was a chapter in my life that gave me life lessons I should keep dear in my heart and mind. It was a chapter that changed my life forever. And it’s now a closed one. Same time last year should never happen again. It will never happen again.
As I write this entry, I’m feeling a little bit under the weather. Probably one that is the result of me being always on the go and out in drastically changing weather the past couple of weeks. My body’s just feeling weak and sick.
There are a number of things running in my mind right now as I write but I’d rather not dwell on them too much for now. I will deal with them in another time. But definitely, I’m feeling lonely tonight. It’s that melancholic feeling that won’t go away for certain reasons. It’s just there sitting and waiting for its own time to be felt. This is one of those times, I guess.
In the meantime, tomorrow will be a big day for me. Though I will not be physically present, I know that things will turn out for the best. I’m hopeful about that.
After hearing the New Year’s Eve mass last night, I decided to spend the New Year in one of our favourite spots. It was pretty quiet and it was something that I really needed at that time. Shortly before midnight, I decided to draft a message that I wanted to send before the year ends. As I was doing so, I received that message from you that brought me to tears. I decided to send my message right away. And then there I was, crying my heart out by the stroke of midnight – wishing you were there with me and not just on the phone.
A few minutes after the new year, I hit the road back to my parents’ place to be with them and my brother’s family. Beautiful fireworks were everywhere that you can see from the Skyway. I stopped by alongside other vehicles to watch. I wasn’t able to capture it on video as I was busy making small talk with some of those who were also watching.
My first photos for 2014 were that of the hazy road home due to the smoke from the fireworks around the place. Setting aside the haze and the things going on in my mind during that time, I can say that heading home after the new year has started was one of the most, if not the most nostalgic drives of my life.
And with that, I welcomed 2014.