PMS

PMS’ing last weekend did give us a little bit of a breather from each other.  Maybe we needed it.  Maybe we didn’t.  But just the same, today found us together again, talking, after a minor spat.

And I just realized how much I missed you during the weekend.  Know that I never hated the things that happened.  We were just feeling so bad during that day.

They say love means never having to say you’re sorry.  Nevertheless, I’m sorry.

PMS may also mean ILY.

And yes, I love you!

Random, But Maybe It’s Also An Apt Thought

I wrote this on February 5th while alone in my sanctuary.  It was a random thought that I just had to write.  A friend has quoted me on this because it was a spot on hit.  I am not really sure if it’s an apt thought to cap the week that was.  Yes, I am hurt.  But that the hurt won’t stop me from still being grateful and blessed to have you in my life.

There are moments in life when we just don’t know where we’re at regardless of knowing what and who we really want in our lives. Circumstances will not always be in our favor simply because what we always need and want, we cannot always get.  It’s a fact of life and all we need to do is accept it.  Maybe it’s part of His grand plan for us.  Or maybe something better is in store for us in His own grand time.  Either way, we can only be brave and grateful for taking that shot at being happy.

It pays to know that what we want and need remind us of how beautiful life is.  We’re given the opportunity to see and have them in our hands and enjoy the moments with them while they last.  The fact that we know we could gain happiness from them is what makes them all worth it.  It is an irony of life that we refuse to accept because it hurts to know that what makes us happy are also the things and people that make us cry.

What Happened?

I wouldn’t want to call it a “respite” from the beautiful days I’ve had.  Truth and in fact, it is.  And what happened today really made me cry buckets over something that wrenched my heart.

Today, I will allow all the negativity to flow.  It’s not my habit to do such but in order for me to restore my sense of self-balance, I will do just that.  If only for me to feel and make myself realize that life isn’t all about being happy every single day but to also find that sadness can also make me feel such.  Ironic but true, at least for me.

I don’t understand why things screwed up.  For me, it was just a simple question that required a simple answer.

Please make me understand why you find it so easy to blow your top on me over simple things.  For you to tell me that I always like making myself look like the underdog is just not right.  Why am I always on the bad side of an argument when all I did was to ask a question?  Is it really that bad for me to ask questions?

Your words, they just crushed me.  It seemed that I never did anything right.  Sadly, that was how you made me feel.

Yet, no matter how much you’ve hurt me, I can’t find it in my heart to be mad at you, more so, hate you for doing so.

 

Disclaimer: This Is Not About Me

There may be a million and one reasons for people to cheat.  I understand and I would like to think it’s justifiable in some ways because as humans, there are times when we just fall into that temptation no matter how great life is for one.  Sometimes, it leads to a better life just like what I’ve seen in my own circle.  Maybe things worked out that way because it was meant to be.  I wouldn’t want to even justify and give credence to that.  But more often than not, it destroys the way we think about relationships and crushes hearts to the point that we can’t find it in ourselves to trust other people even our own selves anymore.

The choices that we make will eventually make or break us.  Most people wouldn’t give up that easily because of the love they hold and have for you.  But once the breaking point is reached, there’s nowhere else to go but out.  This happens so one can save one’s self from self-destruction because there are other people involved.  It’s what they call self-preservation, no matter how late it comes in.  How I wish you could see now how your decision to cheat and even justify it breaks the hearts of those who love you.  Sadly, when cheating becomes your choice, it not only breaks the trust and love that was given to you. It changes the way people think about you, and it makes your family fall apart.

Our life becomes a vicious cycle of deceit and lies after that.  Would you really like that to go on?  I don’t know what you were thinking but definitely, you were out of your mind for doing such a thing despite repeated calls not to fall prey into such a trap.

Think about it.  There’s still time.

Our 11th

I can barely remember the last time I received flowers on a season like this. In fact, Valentine’s has always been a pet peeve of mine until you changed that tonight.

I know you thought that I was throwing all those hints for you to give me something for Valentine’s.  Seriously, I wasn’t and didn’t think of it that way.  I was just reminded last night of how cheesy and sappy February 14th is as I don’t normally go out and “celebrate.”  No matter how everyone thinks that I may just be bitter, this isn’t just my cup of tea to begin with.

Surprised and awed, seriously, I never really expected to be given these. There’s a card attached to those but of course, it’s for my eyes only.ü Today’s already special as it is for us because we’re into our eleventh month but getting these truly made it better.

Honey, Happy Valentine’s and I’m truly grateful and blessed for the gift of you!  Thank you for loving me every single day.

I love you!

A Different Valentine’s Day

2014-02-13 23.57.24

For the people who know me, Valentine’s Day has already been scrapped from my calendar for the longest time. During this time, I’m either at the office working, at home chillin’ or just plain missing.

8 minutes going into this day anticipated by most overly-romantic people around the globe, I got this message that made my heart stop for a few seconds and then made me burst into tears, literally.  It felt so surreal.  I never expected to feel all sappy and extremely emotional upon receiving such a message.

And why do I have to share this to the whole world?  Only because you made me feel very special in your life through this.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Hoping They Don’t Come In 3’s

The past two days have been hard on me that I reached my stress threshold. Sometimes there are just people and circumstances that will test your patience and kindness. I have to admit that I failed and it does happen even to seemingly strong and level-headed people like me. Well, I’d like to believe I am that.ü

The very bad and unexpected things that happened yesterday made me realize that I am in a much better position in all aspects than anyone else. I feel so blessed and I am so grateful to Him that despite lacking certain things in life, I have a great support system in my family and friends, I have a son who loves me more than anyone else in the world and I have a partner who, despite our differences, respects, loves and cares for me. These people love me for my weaknesses and strengths and they never let me down even though I make a lot of booboos in my life. What more could I ask for, right?

Don’t forget to tell your loved ones how much they mean to you even if it means sounding cheesy and all that. Be with the right kind of people. Don’t let anyone use and abuse you. We all deserve to be happy and to have the best in everything.

Today’s another day and I was rewarded with a fairly good night’s sleep and with a clearer head. I am looking forward to a much better day ahead. I know I will be a busy bee today and that’s another thing I have to be grateful for.

The Truth About Lying

We’ve been told since we were young that lying is a bad habit.  It’s totally bad in its entirety.

But as we grow older, it becomes “inevitable” to lie.  I will not deny the fact that I’ve lied countless of times in my life for all the reasons you could think of just especially so if I needed to save my a**.  I guess you will all say the same thing.

Today, I became part of a lie.  A lie that I totally had no knowledge of until I received a phone call in the middle of a busy day.

It was a lie that eventually blew my top for I was verbally abused and maligned by someone who doesn’t know sh*t about me.  It happened because a cover-up was needed.  It was a game plan gone bad.  A game plan that I was clueless about until it just blew right in front of me.

I did give you the benefit of the doubt in the beginning for you are someone very dear to someone close to me.  I had to give you that chance to prove to me that you are not the person I think you are only because I know how special you are in this person’s life.  But what happened just proved that I was definitely right about you.  Hands down!

To you who did this to me, you were very lucky to have not been slapped on the face.  However, you have already been marked.

I will never take back the words I said straight to your face.  I meant them all, every single word of it.  I wanted to say more but I opted to say my piece to the wind and to people who deserve to know the truth about you.  I will not fall prey again to someone who’s cunning and manipulative as you are.  Whatever happened after you lied, you deserve it!  Be the adult you should be.  Be responsible enough to face the bitter results and truth of your lies.

The truth about lying is that I will not be held responsible for it.  I do not owe you nor your partner, who lacks manners and breeding, anything.  This is the end of the line for you in my life.  I don’t need someone like you in my life.

Words of Gratitude

I can only say that this week was one blessed and happy week that was.I am so grateful for…** unexpected blessings** friends who understand why I lash out on them sometimes not because I just want to b*tch at them but only because I care for them that I don’t want them getting hurt

** precious time spent and photos taken with family, online or in person. We may not be together often but know that I love you no matter what

** a very civilized and peaceful short talk with my Mom. I don’t even recall the last one that we had so this was remarkable!

** a battle that I literally won

** the new learning experiences I got because of the project I am doing

** seeing my special someone happy on his birthday. May you have more fruitful and happy years to come.ü I hope you get to smile and laugh more often as you have such great ones to see and hear. You know I love you!

Good night!