The Text

I have purposely written this one in the vernacular (Filipino) because I felt that it would be best to express my thoughts on a very touching SMS I received tonight. I guess it would make more people understand the thoughts and feelings involved in writing this one down.

The text:

Ngayon lang ako natapos sa mga chores ko. Thank you so much for always being there. Kahit wasak na ‘ko, nandyan ka pa rin to listen. Pahinga ka na din. Good night!

Alam mo, gustung-gusto ko sagutin ang text mo na ‘to pero ‘di ko na lang yan sasagutin. Dito na lang. Isusulat ko na lang ang mga gusto kong sabihin.

Bakit ko nga ba ginagawa ang walang humpay na makinig sa lahat ng sinasabi mo? Madalas nga paulit-ulit na lang. Nakakapagod? Oo, minsan, nakakaramdam ako nun. Tao lang naman ako. Pero yung nararamdaman ko e yung masayang klase ng pagod kesa sa nakakasuya o nakakainis. Naintindihan kasi kita at alam na alam ko ang pakiramdam ng may ganyang pinagdadaanan.

Sa mga ganitong pagkakataon ko nararamdaman na kailangan mo ‘ko. Sa ganitong paraan ko nakikita ang mga kahinaan mo na dati ko ng alam pero ‘di mo maamin sa sarili mo. Gusto mo mag-isa at sabi mo nga, kaya mong mag-isa. Sa mga pangyayari at ganap sa buhay mo, alam mo na siguro sa sarili mo na kailangan mo ng karamay. Kailangan mo ng makikinig sa ‘yo para lang mailabas mo lahat ng hinaing mo sa buhay na hindi ka huhusgahan dahil aminado ka na sa sarili mo na may kahinaan ka dahil tao ka at hindi ka makina.

Alam mo na rin siguro ngayon na mahirap ang mag-isa. Ganyan kasi ako dati. Sa mga pinagdaanan ko sa buhay, alam kong kaya ko at kakayanin ko mag-isa ang lahat. Pero alam na natin na hindi ganon ang buhay. Kakailanganin pa rin natin ng kahit isang taong pwede nating takbuhan sa oras na mangailangan tayo ng karamay o kahit makikinig lang sa mga gusto at kailangan natin sabihin para makagaan man lang sa ating kalooban. Siguro nga ako yun para sa ‘yo pero hindi ko rin alam. Baka kasi asumera lang ako.

Andito ako kasi ginugusto ko na dinadamayan ka at ang pamilya mo. Ginugusto ko na pinakikinggan ka. Ginugusto ko na makasama ka sa oras ng pangangailangan mo. At higit sa lahat, ginugusto ko ‘to kasi importante ka sa ‘kin.

Hindi ko alam kung tanga ka, nagtatanga-tangahan o sadyang naging bato na ang puso mo. Pero umaasa ako na sana naiisip mo man lang ang posibilidad na kaya ako andito, kasi ginusto kong andyan lang ako para sa ‘yo kahit alam kong malamang hindi na tayo pareho ng iniisip, ng nararamdaman. Andito pa rin ako kasi kahit na sinasabi mong wasak ka na, ikaw pa rin ang taong laman ng puso ko at tanggap ang pagiging wasak mo.

Sana…sana lang…alam mong hindi ako andito para lang makinig. Andito ako kasi ito ang paraan ko para maipakita at maparamdam sa ‘yo na mahal pa rin kita. Wasak ka man o hindi.

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While You Are Sleeping

I couldn’t help but notice each and every curve and line on your face. You still have that same face I’ve lovingly gazed at and have always looked forward to wake up to each and every morning, until that fateful day some two years ago.

I remember the nights that would turn into mornings just talking over coffee. I feel thrilled and overwhelmed when I would wake up next to you. How I would feel safe and secure when I feel the warmth of your arms wrapped around me. I smile looking back at all these because these were times that I know I have you in my life.

Fast forward to this day, I know I would still want to do and feel all these over and over again.

And it’s only while you are sleeping, that I will get to feel how it is to love you over and over again.

Uncertainties

There are uncertainties in life that you welcome. You’ll never know what lies ahead but there’s this feeling of excitement and anxiety at the same time that you are immensely enjoying. Although at the back of your mind, more or less, you know it’s a temporary feeling.

Stressing On Stuff

I’ve been clearly stressed for the longest time now due to a lot of things but I don’t really mind.  The stress keeps me going.

Harvard Business Review just sent their Management Tip of the Day and what better way for me to deal with stress is having read this.  Maybe it’s really time to put some perspective on my stress and just deal with it.

Thank you, Harvard Business Review!

Get Some Perspective on Your Stress

Here’s some good news: You don’t need to get rid of stress to live a happy, fulfilling life. But you do need to separate yourself from your stress. This doesn’t mean you pretend is the stress isn’t there. It means you identify less strongly with the emotion, realizing it’s a bodily response to a feeling about your view of the world. Instead of thinking “I am stressed,” try “I feel stressed.” This subtle shift helps you step back, even just a bit, so you can gain the perspective needed to move forward. To do this effectively, you have to understand why you’re stressed. Where does the feeling come from? Curiously interrogate the feeling, considering the reasons behind your stress, the people who might be causing it, and the qualities of the stress experience. How do you behave when you’re stressed? What do you tell yourself when you’re feeling anxious? Recognize the patterns in your responses.

When Life Tries You

Life has its way of pulling surprises. You go by your usual days, your normal routines, and then one day, things go 180 degrees when you least expect it.

Life begins to throw you challenges, one after the other, that change all the days and routines that you know. Then you feel that you’ve started to lose grip of the life that you’ve come to embrace. You start counting the days of how bad life has turned out to be. You lose sight of the beauty of life and things that we should be grateful about. You lose hope that these will pass. And you feel that it’s never going to end.

But the bleak times also pass. We start to have new routines and days and start living life again with it. There will always be a reason to smile and be grateful about the life that we have. And you realize that the challenges will only make us a stronger and, hopefully, a better person out of us.

Someday

“There will come a time in her life when she will realize that you were not meant to be a part of her life. This is the time when she will stop waiting for you to come back to her. She will stop waiting for you to call her and spend time with her. She will stop waiting to hear your explanations and your excuses because she will finally realize that you are not worth her precious time. She will cry, she will endure the pain deep in her heart and she will carry her wounded soul away from you. She will gradually move on and seek new love. And when she finds her true love she will never even remember the pain you gave her.”

~ Aarti Khurana

On Being Broken

Someone once told me that I am too broken as a person due to the things that happened to me in the past.  I disagreed.

Yes, I may have been broken too many times.  But it just made me a stronger and a more resilient person.  Being broken didn’t discourage me from continuing to love other people despite the fact that I know that I might get hurt over and over again.

My brokenness taught me a lot of things.  It may not be too evident that I learned but I keep those lessons close to my heart.  They serve as my signs so I would know what to do next.

Being broken doesn’t mean that I haven’t healed.  I have.  But the scars will always be there and I consider them as “badges” of my being.  I wouldn’t be who I am now if not for those experiences. 

I would like to share with you an article I read about broken people. And I agree to everything written here.  I hope that this would somehow clarify and correct notions about people like me.  

12 Reasons Why People Who Have Been Broken Bond Better Than Anyone Else

Being broken is still great after all.